Happy Birthday!

My dearest,

How I wanted to be with you on this special day...just like the way we did on my birthday...I wanted to hold you tight and tell you how much I love you. I wanted to sing the birthday song for you in the sweetest way ever. However, know that I'm conscious of you with every single breath, you are with me in her heart, in my thoughts, and today, I celebrate 'YOU'...the person that you are. I whispered a 'thank you' to your mom and dad for nurturing the way you are. Singing praises to God for bringing you into my life.

Today, I wish you good health, happiness, success and a life that is wonderful and beautiful just as you are. A life worthy of you.

Happy Birthday sweetheart! I love you very much. This much--* my hands wide apart*

Yours, missy 

notes

Counting the stars
Nestling under the moonlit night
Is impractical
Is passé
Me being fairest of all
Is not true
Because I have pigmentation
All over my face
You my hero, my prince
A knight in shining armour
Fits only the fairy tales
You don’t even like riding horses.

When you tell me that
I’m not the prettiest of all
But the loveliest for you
I know you are stating facts
When you shout at me
That I’m driving you in sane
Nuts, draining you
I know, you are just being polite
It’s more than that?
When you tell me you hate me
I know it’s just for that
Very short moment
When you tell me that
I make you the happiest
The saddest
Oh I so believe you.

When you write to me
That you’ve worked all these years
To make me happy
To give me everything that I want
My heart flutters
And smile like princess do
When you insist 
That you could be trusted
For life
I tell you I do
For life
When you whisper
You love me
With all your heart
I cry.

Hurt

I dreamt

That one day

Someday

Admidst the crowd of winning heads,

Shall my name be heard

That my voice be exalted

I hoped with a stirring soul

That I be rested on the purple seat

With hundreds nodding at my side

But here I stand 

And feel

The flakes 

Of my dreams 

Falling all over me

things I'm happy about-2

1. Talking things over with mono
2. The cool weather always make me happy--It's winter!
3. Wallie deciding to go home and help mom and dad with the house
4. Sis's family plan to move into our new house
5. Mom and dad, they seem to be having a great time at home
6. Finalising on a new school to deploy EFF
7. Tipping the old auto driver
8. Not eating outside. have been eating very well at home
9. Minimal tummy problem
10. Being in touch with mo's family
11. Being able to buy good clothes often
12. Mo's coming back earlier than planned :)
13. Mo will be with me for his birthday.

promise

For the hands that hold me and keep me from falling

For the lips that whisper wisdom upon my folly

For the ears that listen when I have too much to say

For the feet that walk towards me when I cannot move

For the eyes that see beyond my sinning soul

For the arms that shelter me from lonliness

For the heart that loves me

Here is to you, I give you mine

For eternity.

past

I remember those days

When I waited to catch you

in glances, in stares unawares

I remember those nights 

when you would walk by

in denims and hooted pull overs

I would tilt my head 

To make sure you are around

Around enough

to make my day

make my night 

I remember, it used to be enough.

 

more things I want to do...

While doing the meme, the rule was to write only 7 things I wanted to do...but it turns out I have quite a few more things that I want to do before I die and I thought I might as well put it up here.

1. Teach in a university
2. Act in a movie, one of those that doesn't get released in theaters but goes for international screening *wink wink
3. Learn to play the guitar and perform in a concert
4. Write books and become famous
5. Campaign for an election for someone I trust to bring a change to the Naga society
6. Walk around the streets of Paris in a trench coat, muffler, knee length high heeled boots.
7. Take my family on a fancy vacation
8. Vacation in an exotic island with my loved one where very few people reside--eat their food, learn their language and swim at night
9. Own a cottage that has a kitchen garden, flower garden and a stream flowing in the backyard
10. Walk up the aisle with my father in a white gown on my wedding day
11. Learn to wear the Saree and cook delicious Indian food
12. Become a columnist for a magazine or a newspaper
13. Own a walk in closet with really nice clothes, shoes and bags
14. Do something so that there'll be no child labor and beggars in India
15. Learn to bake cakes and cook Italian food
16. Learn dancing with my loved one
17. Read the Bible (through and through), Koran, Bhagavad Gita and Buddhist & Jain text
18. Attend Hillsong's Praise and Worship concert
    
19. Live in New Zealand or .... for a couple of years
    
20. Learn to play chess and beat Mo in the game
21. Maintain a consistent weight through out
    

email

I woke up with the usual sound of the alarm set on my phone but decided to sleep for another hour. But was up within a few minutes, made myself a hot cup of tea and settled on the bean bag with the newspaper. I opened the window and I could feel the cold breeze blowing in---aww! How it brings the Christmas touches....It feels a little cold but I don't want to wear a sweater coz the feeling is so divine and joyful. Last year, at this time of the year I was gearing for my Christmas vacation, shopping and more shopping for family back home. Hola, I got gifts for 56 people! That’s how big my family is.

This morning I decided to write an email to you and start my day with that but the yahoo mail went kaput and I didn't want to use the other mail account. I only relate to you with Yahoo! You might wonder how my little heart keeps track of all these minor details but Mo, that's just the way I'm. :) I plan to write a lot today, a couple of posts for EFF blog, reply to some pending emails and my profile for a Magazine--did I tell you? They want to feature me as one of the young education enthusiast. I'm honored indeed.

I also have to do my assignments which I plan to submit on Monday. Exam starts on the 20th which is a Thursday, a week from now. After my exam, I would like to finish that book for good! You know how long we've been sitting on it.

I wish to have some good time with you....once you are back... I need you to get the Christmas tree--it's in the cupboard way above the ground and help me decorate it. I need you to give me a shoulder rub for all the writings I'd be doing. I need you to come back safe and smiling. You know how devastating these VC meetings can be :) I need you here. with me. and soon.

meme

I like memes and here is another one stolen from Bellezza :)

7 Things I Did Before:

1. Cycled everyday for almost three years

2. Wrote letters to mom and dad and a whole of others while in college

3. Wore red lipstick

4. Contested in an election and won (college)

5. Thought I was the smartest of the lot

6. Was a Sunday school teacher and was very active socially

7. What people thought of me mattered

7 Things I Do Now:

1. Write for my blogs, research papers, and a book

2. Talk ideas and implement them.

3. Walk around on campus instead of cycling

4. Pay rent, bills and cook--read fashion blogs and buy better clothes

5. Not socially active, likes to be in my own space--and is not wary about what people think of me because I know who I'm and what is best for me.

6. Educating a bro, sis and a thousand others soon

7. Love children like never before, because of my two nephews.

7 Things I Want To Do:

1. Write more, write books

2. Travel more...live abroad for a couple of years

3. Have children of my own and give them exotic names :)

4. Make EFF a success

5. Learn Telugu

6. Make my pigmentation disappear

7. Become an author or a professor

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex:

1. Confidence

2. Intelligence

3. Good dresser/ good shoes and jeans

4. Great in public speaking

5. Well mannered

6. Commitment

7. Wealthy

7 Favorite Foods:

1. Naga food:

• Smoked pork cooked with Anishi
  
• smoked beef chutney
  
• Dried fish cooked with mashed potato
• Mixed vegetables cooked with bamboo shoot and dried fish

2. Sambhar and chicken curry from Sweetu’s

3. Salads/ boiled vegetables

4. Grilled cubes of chicken and Pastas

5. Oats with ready made dal only because Mo makes it for me when I'm very hungry

6. Rice, Dal, mango pickle and eggs (sunny side up)

7. Tea with salted cookies and bujai

7 Things I Say Most Often:

1. “I’m hungry”

2. "I miss my nephews”

3. "What plans for lunch?”

4. "Do we have class today?"

5. "I have tummy problem"

6. "I’m so stressed"

7. "If it works out....."

longing

Like the stars that glitter with the glimpse of twillight

dewdrops gushing down with a touch and tingling my toes

with every sound of the heart beat in the stillness of silence

is the joy I feel when I'm with you.

Pune trip--

I have a list of 'things to do' on the right hand side panel--things I should be accomplishing before I welcome the New Year. Hardly 50 days to go and am not anywhere close! But then, when have I EVER checked my list of things to do?? Perhaps that's one reason why I'm so stressed out at the end of the day. Not because of handling too many things but for not doing the things I should be doing. I always leave things unfinished, unsettled and that leaves me dissatisfied. 

However, to save me falling from graceland, and to keep me sane, I visited a new city! And that's one Checked!

Pune is a lovely city in Maharasthra-- a home for people from all over the world. I stayed with my friend who I was meeting after 10 long years—and in my four days stay; she had friends from Korea, Iran, U.S, and Nepal! Perhaps the acculturation of so many different cultures makes the city much more friendlier than most of the cities in India. I could at ease roam around in my shorts without inviting any awkward stares from people. No one came up to ask me if I was from China, or Japan. I noticed that people were least bothered and that was such a refreshing relief after all the ‘stares’ and ‘whistles’ we have to handle here in Hyder

abad.

I especially liked the shopping spree I went about, with so many choices and convenient location….an entire street of lovely clothes and shoes and bags! the sandals made of velvet and straw just for Rs. 50 was a real treat.

But commuting was such a pain, unless you have a car, life would be difficult. ALL the auto rickshaws (Taxis) have tampered meters and for a 500 meter ride you end up shelling out 30-50 rupees. That’s when I vowed to be nice to the auto drivers here in Hyderabad…yes, they are a pain in the ass sometimes esp. when they want to travel according to their convenience and not yours, but they are not rude and thanks to the digital meters, they don’t cheat you.

The best part of the trip was catching up with my dearest friend. There is something about childhood friends…there is so much to talk about…but 10 years is

 a long time to be apart and out of touch…I still have a lot of things to tell her…perhaps I’ll have to wait for her vacation to Hyderabad early next year.  Over all, I came back refreshed, recharged and a happier person. 

 

loss

Yesterday when you told me “you are OUT” it felt like I was being forcefully separated from my ‘child’. But like every mother that stays true to her emotions and rights of her child, I will win back my place. In time, I will.

Wall E and Eva

I watched Wall E last night with my buddies--a Friday night, perfect time to unwind and what better way than hurriedly finishing work...running up the elevator, grabbing a hot dog and diet coke. I wasn't too keen on this particular movie actually because last weekend's movie was also an animation (Kung Fu panda) and especially when I found out that it was about "robots".

Robots? Wall E and Eva were more 'humans' than most people are. Emotions that were emoted by Eva and Wall E was truly touching. Without the pats of eyelashes or the usual voice over by stars--in a lifeless earth, this movie had me filled with such divine feelings. When Wall E go through a moment of amnesia, tears welled up my eyes, I thought of Eva, I thought of Mo. But happiness was back with us soon enough as Wall E regains his memory when for the first time they clasped their 'fingers' and held us all in the magnitude and awesomeness of love.

(Images are from the Internet)

street food

dad

Papa dearest,
I've grown over the years
in age and in distance
have become independent
I take care of myself when I'm unwell
buys medicine also on my own
I pack my stuff too when I travel
but I'm still your little girl at heart
I miss you each day
even more
when I look at your latest picture
which wallie has on his camera
you look old and tired
it makes me cry
papa, I love you and
I'll be home soon
in the mean time,
please eat well
and stay happy.

red ribbons and plaits

Apart from many other things I do, I also teach in a school using the 'Virtual Classroom' technology we have been developing for a year now. I teach them from my office 4 days a week and once a week I walk down to meet them for a round of feedback and heart to heart talk. When I joined the school sometime last year, most of them could hardly understand English but now I notice that they try to converse in English too. Baby steps but they try and they learn. I'm yet to calculate their progress but yes I can see results.

I leave here some pictures of my students:

scholar

After a 3 year hiatus, I'm back to being a student! Just day before last I enrolled for my doctoral program in Folk Culture Studies. Life is going to get even more hectic but it's going to be fun for sure. Happy me :)

stress buster

When I go 'brain dead' or when I'm down, when I have a fight I come and stand here for a couple of minutes. The balcony of my work space. My stress buster.

a winter sunset

This picture was taken from the balcony of the Changki village church (Nagaland) guest house this January. When you live in a city and work from 9-9 without a glimpse of the sunrise or the sunset, seeing something like that feels heavenly. Back home, where my parents and my ancestors reside, where there is very little pollution...every sunset is poetry in motion. I was dressed in trench coat, boots, gloves, muffler looking warm and pretty making the experience even more delightful! I do love winter.

untitled

This is the city I love.
The place I yearn for --even when I’m home with folks
This is the city I cried for, when 3 years back I left for good
This is the city I came back to—to restart my life, looking for a new home...
But could I ever possibly call it home?
When every time I walk on the streets
They remind me that I’m different
That I’m a misfit
That I’m an outsider
How would I call it home when I’m paranoid to walk on the streets?
Because I’m going to receive those lecherous stares
Be whistled at by teenagers
Be mobbed by bikers
Because I’m going to be offered a free ride
Because when I walk, there’ll be those ‘sick in the head’
But how long will this go on?
When will they ever accept me?
When will they ever let me be?
When can I call finally call it “my home”?

Vizag trip---Araku valley

On our way to the valley, we stopped by a small open air restaurant for breakfast and relished the south Indian special breakfast--aka Idli, Dosa, upma, sambhar and coconut chutney. Just outside the restaurant, we also spotted a swing tied to a big tree... we obviously swung like lil children... after all, it's was our vacation and we could do everything we wanted to.

Though it was technically a valley that we went to, there wasn't much valley to see around, we were disappointed especially Sweets who prefers hills and mountains than beaches.
But we did find a group of people, the residents of Araku valley--in full fiesta out for their daily bazaar. Most women were seen sporting the triple nose rings--look closely and you'll see what I mean.

pumpkins! yummy!The colorful sarees on display!and some red chillies too-- here the bag is kept open and the chillies are made to flow down into a mould after which they sort them into small portions. very organized and looks hot!

Vizag trip--Rashikonda beach

I’ve talked about the Vizag trip I took in the last week of March this year but have never actually written anything about it. It so happens me that, when something is so beautiful and close to the heart, be it a feeling, or an experience… I avoid writing about them. Somehow, I’m apprehensive of not doing justice to it… I feel my words wouldn’t be adequate enough to express the experience. As a result, I’ve let go of so many things “unspoken” and gradually forgotten. I can’t let that happen to my most wonderful trip ever and therefore I’m attempting to recapture the moments…at least visually. Be warned, it might not seem as exhilarating as it was.














After Hyderabad's mad traffic and pollution, the Vizag roads we traveled soothed our souls!
and just as you stop by for a shell of coconut water, you hear the waves...and feel the breeze...yes right below the road, is the beach you see here:


I want a cottage on the hill up there and wake up each morning to the calmness of the sea.

retrieving

It’s already the 6^th month of the year—I’ve already lived almost half of this year! Unbelievable, the way time flies…with each year time passes even faster. Although I’m not sure if am happy at how things have turned out to be—nothing disastrous but nothing overwhelming either…I’d like to live a life where am stretched and challenged a lil beyond what I can handle…I think something like that would be extremely fulfilling.

A recap…

I woke up on the morning of 1^st Jan to the whistles of the pressure cooker…my mom was cooking in the kitchen. For the first time in 6 years, our family got to spend Christmas together at my sister’s place—but by new year we got home…New Year’s eve was extremely memorable. Dad made a bonfire—and we sat circled around it, watching Justine and Wapang dance to the loud music played in the background. At the stroke of midnight dad fired a couple of gunshots as a sign of saying goodbye to the old year and welcoming the New Year. It felt like I was taken backwards…bonfires, music, gunshots had been a tradition in the family which dad religiously observed with or without us kids at home.

I landed back in Hyderabad on the 8^th of Jan. Mo had come to pick me up looking all ‘worked out’. Apparently he was living on orange juice and a strict work out regime with the dutiful and persistent trainer. I was treated to a plate of Hyderabadi biryani—I missed it as much as I missed him.

Celebrated Valentines Day 14^th February with home cooked food and lots of chocolates and roses.

N and I had been working on a book late 2007 but I was a difficult person to work with until I went home for a break. N says it’s because of my nephew. I couldn’t agree less. Babies are amazing! They can completely change your life. We restarted working on the book from mid Jan till the first week of April. It was taxing working for 12 hours at a stretched most days.

Last week of March, I went on a vacation to Vizag with my three heroes. And I had the most wonderful time ever! The beach never looked so lovely, coconut water never felt so refreshing. Lying on the sand was a therapy in itself. When ever I think of it...my palms tinkle and feel the excitement all over again.

Most of May, I wasn’t myself or rather too much of myself. Mood swings and numerous telephonic fights with dad over the marriage thingy. He thinks 27 is the perfect age to be betrothed into matrimony just so that I can have babies by 30 and later. My cousin Apok arrived on the 8^th of May to live with me…definitely for another 3 years. Happy and blessed to have a family with me. It is a joy.

I shamelessly took two weeks off in late May to prepare for my Ph.D entrance exam...wrote the exams on the 3rd and 6th of June. I hope to make it--it's been a long break now and I desperately want to get back to academics.

School reopened on the 12^th June and I’m back to teaching 80 girls 45 minutes every day. I cannot wait for the day when I will announce the deployment of Virtual Classroom technology. It’s been a year now in development and I’m becoming impatient. I hope as I write about the 6 remaining months, I will start with that announcement.

Sigh, I wish life was more nerve racking and adventurous!

things I’m happy about...

1. Getting back to blogging—however minimal it might be.
   
2. The weather—the breeze, wind and the rain
   
3. My cousin getting admitted to college and enrolling for a subject combo she wanted.
   
4. It’s the 16^th of the month and I haven’t used my credit card even once!
   
5. My sister is doing great—even walking around the lawn, she will hopefully be discharged by the 20^th.
   
6. The girls were very attentive in class today.
   
7. Things are happening in office—everybody seems to be working and enthusiastically.
   
8. The bags I had ordered online arrived safe and beautiful! I’ve started using since yesterday.
   
9. Haven't fought with Mo for one whole week!
   

realization

It’s surprising how I missed wishing both my mom and dad on their respective mother’s and father’s days. It wasn’t intentional of course, but the fact is that I didn’t manage to wish them. Even when I knew that if I didn't talk to them in the morning hours before they went to church, it’d be impossible to catch them, I still woke up oh-so-leisurely at 11am. And in the afternoon when they were home, I went to church and outing with friends and all and by the time I got home, they were fast asleep or so I assumed.

I was wrong-- my brother called up to tell that dad waited for my call till 10pm and went off to sleep tad disappointed. This is also the first time in 10 years I missed sending them their much deserved gifts. I’m not sure what has gotten into me, but it’s something I mustn't take it lightly. Being away from home for 10 years and meeting them only once a year and not even that sometimes, can take a toll on the relationship. After all, relationship is something you work on, be it parents.

baby boy!

It's a baby boy! after grueling for almost 24 hours, she decided to go for C-section and after half an hour in the OT, Voila! another addition to the family--a beautiful baby boy. Mom says he looks like bro-in-law, sis thinks he resembles Justin our kid bro. I wasn't worried about who he resembled. But the first thing I wanted to know was if the lil dude had our family's beautifully and strategically pointy nose unlike my bro-in -law's broad, big nostrils and all. And thankfully nose-wise he is on our side. We now have to battle for the name! the paternal grandfather has chosen a rather boring name for the lil dude... I hope they will not make a final call on that.

At the end of the day, even after all the tension and excitement, I don't get to see the baby. I don't get to hold my darling sister's lil bundle of joy. My nephew. Not now and probably not for another few months. Sad. But then, it'll be worth the wait.

longing

My sister is in labor now…as much as I look forward to my lil niece or nephew… I’m anxious and worried. She got admitted to the hospital last night and ever since then I’ve been impatient. It’s not so much about she being in labor but it’s about not being with there when she needs me the most

At times such as this, it makes me wonder if there is any point in staying so far away from home, from loved ones. If only I was there…I could have rubbed away the sweat from her forehead and held her through this moment. I could have even watched her smile as she held her baby for the first time.

lost

Thwarted. Frustrated.

In a strange land

Where cuckoos cry

Here I search for my languished words and life.

trance

When I feel lonely and depressed and useless and stupid and everything and when I find my days rotting in nothingness, I blame it on PMS. Yesterday when I shouted at my dad because he complained that I didn’t call him for a month when he in fact asked me to call him everyday. I blamed it on PMS. When I accused my friends calling them “hopeless” and “ungentlemen” and screwed up their lovely evening because they didn’t offer to give me a lift. I blamed it again on PMS. When my dearest friend stayed the night at my place and I ranted about the annoying auto drivers, bad birthday gifts, rude smses, the heat, my weight and the nosy -noisy watchman. She patiently listened and consoled me saying “it’s just PMS”.
I fought with my loved one for no apparent reason. Hurting him again and again and again. I warned him about my “upcoming mood swings” but then how long can he understand and bear my wickedness. Today he walked out of my house, of my life.

Perhaps it’s not just PMS; it’s the person that I’m. Unforgiving. Selfish and an Avenger at its best.

away

the sky under which my folks reside :)

mom's anthurium

Thank you 2007!

I’ve been away for quite a long time now! Was away on the hills, at home-- with folks for Christmas and New Year and some more. And then, the post vacation bug bugged me for quite some time.

My family spent Christmas together after six long years and perhaps that was one reason why it was exceptionally awesome. We were all so full of love! Hardly any fights except fighting for my darling nephew. The first grandchild in the family and I guess that explains it. Until I come up with any fancy thoughts, I leave here some of the pictures I clicked during my vacation.

Have a beautiful year!

It's been almost two years now since dad retired. A workaholic that he was..fell into depression until he decided to take up gardening. The moment I reached home he took me around exhibiting his well tended beans, the mustard, the broomsticks, berries and the works! He is happy--thanks to a tension free job and we are happy too...coz we get to relish fresh veggies and fruits straight from the garden! :)

"it's my turn to kiss him!" "no it's mine"!! "It's my turn ...you just did it!" and the baby says: "bug off you adults! it hurts" (my bros Justine and Wallie, cousin Apok and the hero Nung

moa the baby)

my cheeks have turned pink!

The view from my veranda. Notice the star? that's a neighbor's Christmas star hosted on a bamboo.

This river runs down below my aunt's

cottage in a small town "Tsudikong". while the adults were catching up, we kids decided to try the raft. (am not in the picture though...my turn came later but no one captured my glorious moment of rafting for the first time!)