seasonal whispers

wedding blues

2010-08-05T12:36:00.004+05:30

I hardly ever come around here these days...I just didn't have much to say or so I thought. But could it be, I had lost my voice? My will to express...maybe. There are times when I'm confounded with things that are too personal to be talked about--times when I think no-one will understand. Even if they do, who keeps a secret these days anyways. I must be crazy to think talking here is personal. But somewhere in my heart, I feel secure in knowing that readers would just come by, read, wish me well and move on with their lives.

You see, I'm planning to settle down with the guy I love in another 14 days. In two weeks. But we are STILL sorting out things. Does this happen to people? We've been dating for 3 years now and thought we knew each other well enough to last a lifetime. But it's been about 3 weeks since we have been discovering a lot about each other...mostly negative. Does the pressure of a wedding bring out the worse in couples? I think it does....It has not been a happy 'planning period' for me...Is there any bride out there who have enjoyed planning her wedding? I SO want to know...what I feel is just not right--why must I go through so much pressure? so much unhappiness. But I know that once we get through this phase, it's 'live happily ever after' time for us. I just need some extra courage, patience, and wisdom to take our lives forward.

2010-03-01T04:56:00.002+05:30

My eyes are still sore with glancing through the flimsy shadows of my dreams.

reminder--feb 2010

2010-02-17T15:15:00.003+05:30

It’s already the secondth month of 2010. Actually just a week before the 3^rd month. 2010 January was the most fruitful months of all these years. I say this because I took off on a real first abroad vacation. ..and it was worth it. I even started a blog to document my travel experience and I hope I’ll be writing more than I do here.

It’s amazing how time flies and at the end of this year I don’t want look back and say “oh I don’t know what I did” and feel terribly frustrated and depressed that another year goes by without any ‘milestones’. When I was 20 and then 20 somethings I had a mental note of what I wanted to do before I hit thirty but I was always busy writing assignments or too busy attending classes and therefore not enough time to do anything else. And I kept saying ‘once I’m through with this.’ I haven’t quite hit the thirty mark but am getting there...am just this much away from it. I don’t remember any of the things I wanted to do...perhaps they weren’t interesting enough? But that ‘list of things to do before I hit thirty’ kept me going if not very far.

Today, my life is pretty much mapped out. For the first time in my life, I’m certain of my future. Do you know how much happiness that brings you? I’ve been floating tiring and disastrous at times but I know I’m heading towards the right direction. Just so that I do not get carried away I'm determined to maintian monthly targets this year. January has been good. February is not so good but I still have a week to turn that around :) I should nail the interview and that might change some things around me or perhaps “Me” ;)

If that happens March and the following month looks pretty fine. If not, I just plan to write and this time some real stuff and knock the damn ‘dissatisfaction’ feeling off my chest.

Cliff cottage Bang Bao

2010-01-20T07:57:00.004+05:30

After the idea of taking a trip to Thailand came about, I started researching online esp. the islands. We finally decided on Ko Chang, because he wanted to work and required a quiet, clam envirnment and I, wanted a break from the city and the markets. Cliff Cottage had been on mind for the longest time...first of all, for the excellent comments on it by guests and secondly the 'back to basic' setting and thirdly, the oh-so-very-cheap room rent. I was only apprehensive about the shared bath rooms but that's turning out to be just fine. It's quiet an expereince, one of it's kind--in a rickety hut built with bamboo, wood and thatch roofs, a vintage table fan, rock hard mattress-- hut that comes with a small balcony that has an wooden chair, a hammock and a couple of cushions thrown around. You look around and you know nature has given this place a fair deal.

I love the deck the best... in fact it looks like everybody love be be here... you have the view of the ocean with tiny hills on the sides. there are hammocks, floor cushions, beach chairs, swing chairs, also a bamboo bed! the sound of the blue water playing around, and the sight of the unending ocean under the blue sky is what this place is made of.

There are a lot of back packers and also those who have this a home. For us, it's our second day here and as much as we love our comforts, we must experience nature in it's best possible way sometimes...and I guess, cliff cottage gives us that. Natural (discomforts included) and beautiful.

from Koh Chang

2010-01-19T20:19:00.004+05:30

In an island, a cliff to be precise with the view of the ocean nestled on a hammock, music and the fiance and some friends. Dreams do come true.

Abroad away...13th Jan 2010

2010-01-13T23:36:00.000+05:30

seasons of life...

2010-01-13T11:13:00.004+05:30

It's cold outside, it has been for a few weeks now... but this shall pass soon. And summer it will be, long, dry and sweaty. If only i could make winter stay just a bit longer...until at least I say I do. Summer and Monsoon's coming on my way of perfection. Sigh, could I get through this? could I? could I? where and when? a delayed October so that I could feel the sand and the echoes of the church wall? or the planned June behind enclosed doors and multitudes of strangers? life is complicated as it is. Summer and monsoon were supposed to be least of the problems.

A reminder to self, the things I love, loved...

2010-01-02T12:29:00.000+05:30

Being with my Loved one without the TV around. That is ONE established fact. I experience complete happiness when we hang around leisurely...sounds weird? it hasn't been long since we have been able to do that. For the longest time I felt that there was a sense of discomfort when we were out together. But now, heels or without heels, village or urban crowd, we chill! we forget that there is a world around us :D

He says he doesn't need an occasion to buy gifts for me and he does buy them all the time except on occasions :( But two years ago on Valentines day, he toured the city malls and showered with packets wrapped with red hearts and roses. He must have used up all the determination and courage he had...but it paid off! I still get butterflies in my stomach reminiscing that evening. Only if he realized, that it's an annual affair. :P

There was a night he cooked for me...set up a formal candle lit dinner at his place. And that night we danced. that is if dancing for 3 minutes counts as dancing. So It's not the high end dinners that I fancy... No I'm not hinting that you should cooked more often but doing just once is not going to last a lifetime! :)

I'm REALLY happy when I'm in close contact with God through prayers, reading the scripture listening to His word and being around fellow believers and esp. when my loved one is part of it. Like the few times, when I'm praying and he holds my hand and listen and when am done, the way he hugs me tight. Wow. I experience ultimate happiness! I feel closer to him when he sees the spiritual part of me.

Sigh, I just love being with my girl friends! I've realized that to expect perfection in friendships only make me unhappy. I give what I can but expects nothing in return. And I hope, married or not, we will continue to have fun. May they remain my forever power girls!!

I love to cook Naga food! and it always turns out yummy! I've had people call me up for recipes :P. I'd like him to try someday coz that's one food I'm great at. But I do like cooking Indian food for him except of course I stress way too much...fearing for that face he might make.

Every time I spend time with his folks I go back home with a smile on my face. That's a new form of happiness I've come to enjoy.

I've discovered my love for photography to the fullest. And I hope I'm gifted with a nice camera ASAP :P

I've come to love online window shopping more. Blame Hyderabad poor taste in fashion.

Mumbai. just one day and the place that made me feel at home.

I have loved the many mornings he came to my place waking me up with that gentle kiss. I wish to feed him the best breakfast in the world. (That reminds me, I NEED to learn cooking)

The past year, I have immensely loved reality TV, playing scrabble, fashion, home decor and photography blogs. This year I hope to enjoy studying too.

I love cookies with tea, muffins with nuts, coffee in coffee houses, fruits at home, biryani with coke or pepsi (when am hungry), pan with lots of supariand without the zarda, flowers without the plastic wrappers, maggi noodles with green chilly, babies without kajal, dresses with pockets, diamond on my finger, magazine editorials, a good digestion, white curtains and vases, restored furniture, fresh juices, small dining table, bonfires, leftover food, midnight snack, His jeans, wedding gowns. etc.

the old is gone, the new has come..

2010-01-01T11:29:00.003+05:30

2009 went away last night. I heard the glitter opening up in the sky.Only it was distant. But I could feel it evaporating into darkness until the last bit. It was the broken disc, the torn garment that glared through. I wake up to a new year--where the traces of last night has been cleared and cleaned. 2010 is an important year for me. It is the year when I will be saying "I do" to the most wonderful man. That someone I will be spending endless evenings sipping tea in the balcony, learn to ski and skate, eat Thai street food and Sushi.

The one who will not let me get fat but get fatter himself, he who watches TV snuggled up in the orange sofa like it's the last day of TVdom, the one that who says, "I live for your happiness" and means it. The one I will have difficulty living with (esp. with the fan swirling over the head even when the room is conditioned to be 17 degree C) but certainty cannot live without. 2010--a year we will look back at constantly and I know, it'll make us happy. May our Almighty God bless us and our plans. I leave my favorite verse and this is the theme of our year to come:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and he will make your paths straight". proverbs 3:5

A heads up!

2009-12-14T18:04:00.003+05:30

I'm the planning kind and nothing ever on earth is going to stop me from enjoying every little moment of this wonderful ride towards a "forever us" Not even you baby. So while you sit and dream that everything's going to fall into place just like that. I'm all ready--and here I begin with folders-multicolored for inspiration and the book that will hold all important and not so important scribblings and notes and lists and all of that stuff...pens of all colors-for easy identification of what will be written, stick ons, post-it prompts, etc. So right now, my favorite shopping hang out is the stationary stores. Don't tell me "am wasting time" because that is the root cause of all wars and unfortunate incidences. Rather, have fun with me on this and in the mean time wish yourself some luck!

29th November!

2009-11-28T14:04:00.004+05:30

Another year, another birthday away from each other. I know they aren't a big deal for you but it is for me. Because you were born this day for me :) how could I possibly not take that seriously? You are my star, my hero, my everything! Sunday morning, as you wake up with the chill Lufkin wind and coffee downstairs, remember, I'll be missing you and would have said a prayer for you. I hope the basket of flowers I ordered for you will come your way soon. I'm waiting for you. just you alone. So damn the pretty dresses.

Happy Birthday love.

The night he knelled.....

2009-11-05T22:43:00.006+05:30

It was 14th October, early morning—with the sun light gleaming through the thin curtains he came with a bunch of red roses. With half opened eyes, I hugged him and smelled the roses which, as always was divine. Waking me up with roses early morning wasn’t a regular affair so I asked what the special occasion was. He said, “You are special and you are the occasion” not really. I just made that up. He cannot come up with corny lines. Good for me! Neither romantic lines...until that night.

He left after a simple breakfast and I went about with the usual chores. Around evening he called and asked me if he could take me out for dinner and also mentioned what he wanted me to wear. Ok now, by this time. I knew what was coming up.

It was this blue dress from Banana Republic that made me look the prettiest which was a gift from him. I was showered with flowers again, yellow lilies this time round. He hugged me, held my held and walked down the steps towards the car. On the way we listened to “Summer wine” by The corrs...he sang along and made those croaking sound. And I tell myself “he really is the one!”

We arrived at the much loved hotel and were led to the Mexican restaurant by the pool and the lawn. I looked around and noticed that our table and the chairs were different from all the others. The staff even hung some ribbons on our umbrella shed. That was indeed very sweet of them. Oh! the champagne bottle in a bucket, more lilies again (pink this time) the candle, the table impeccably laid out—the music...the stars and the moon and HIM...everything was so perfect. I did the honours of opening the champagne bottle and as food started coming in I realised, they were pre-ordered! I found out that he had come during the day to ensure they served my favourite food! I was elated and nervous at the thought of what was coming up. I wondered would it be now? Maybe after dinner or just maybe under the sky...on the lawn as we walked...he would kiss me and asked me. Kneeling down was something I never visualised coz he said he wouldn’t. ..anyways, the night progressed, I waited. It never happened.

By the 3rd hour we decided to leave. And I was like “I even wore the proposal dress what if it doesn’t happen tonight” just then he said, “let’s go to my place and I’ll propose you on the couch”. A few things went through my head: ~Seriously, that couch? Ok you bought it because I liked it but it doesn’t mean the big moment should happen there?? We were just under the stars and the moon and there was Mexican music! ~That’s his TV couch after all I thought-I think I was a lil pissed but of course I didn’t say anything but like a nice girl (as he often wishes) Of course I didn’t say anything but like a nice girl went along with his idea.

But as we reached the front door, he asked me to close my eyes, then I knew...it wasn’t just the orange couch! I opened my eyes and Lo and behold! The entire room was lighted with candles just like when Chandler proposes Monica in FRIENDS!! Of course, he knew my favorite proposal scene. Oh. My. God. He just knelled. HE DID. And he saying something...yes I heard it right “will you be my wife?” I exclaimed “Absolutely!” and that’s when I saw the most beautiful ring ever! On my finger.

He dropped me home and as I opened the door. OH. MY. GOD. OH. MY.GOD!! !!Could this be happening?? Is it real?? My Family, my entire family...all nine of them were there!! Oh God what did I do to deserve this? They flew all the way from Nagaland for this? They took off from work...all of them to be there for my special day!! My guy, my fiancé made sure, the people that I love the most were all there on my special day. I couldn’t have asked for more!

That’s my guy. The wonderful, most awesome man I ever know. The one I wanted to find all my life. The one I love, most truly and ever will. The one I said "yes" to-to be with for for the rest of my life.

the vacations I remember...

2009-09-14T22:26:00.001+05:30

My grandmother is close to 90 now. Until a few months ago, she was the one visiting all her daughters (my aunts and mom) residing in different towns. I was talking to mom last night over the phone and she told me that grandma cannot travel anymore—it means that it’s a chance for all of us to return the affection and care she has been bestowing all her life. It also means that the little ones at home will not get the goodies from the farm and granary.

There were a few summer vacations when we were sent to spend in the village unaccompanied by our parents. As we packed our stuff two weeks before the date of departure, my grandma would also start storing her wooden boxes with our favourite fruits and nuts. She would go gooseberry picking and would have sweetened snack made out of them by the time we got to the village. She would have decided on the chicken to be cooked for dinner. The spare room cleaned and sun dried in case we refused to sleep with grandpa and her. The best rice would be husked , all the pots and pans would be filled with water just so that we don’t insist on going water fetching. Firewood aplenty to keep the kitchen warm. Grandpa would have started making baskets with cane to send mom some.

It was our time of unending adventure—no vacation would end without a walk( an hour) to the paddy field—fetching water on bamboo pots( despite resistance) picnicking on the farm cottages, feasting on wild berries and village shops. It was also a time when we were admired and cheered for the little fact that we were people from the town. Between my paternal grandparents and my maternal’s is a 500 meter yard stretch of walk way and on both sides are houses. As we walked up and down, we would be cheered by the village boys. Those walk ways felt like ramps and us like models.

She would tell us stories about my parents, mostly about my dad and how he befriended my grandparents before he even asked my mom on a date. The folktales I listened in wonder—magical stories which I thought were true—recounts of Army torture, starvation, grouping—their survival stories in the jungles. Many many more.

My grandma made sure she was by the bedside when her 18 grandchildren were born.

She never went to school but she learned to read the bible and sing hymns. She sang songs in the church with her group until a few years ago coz she started singing off tune.

The last time I met my grandma was 2 years ago, I speak to her occasionally but she doesn’t enjoy phone talks so there is hardly any bonding time. ..I don’t know how long she’ll live but I don’t know when I can see her. For now, I’ll have to get by with the memories. But I hope and pray that I’ll get a chance to thank her for making me feel like her favourite grandchild (all 18 of us do) and for making my vacations memorable Coz the only vacations I remember are the ones I spent with her.

2009-09-14T18:23:00.000+05:30

Today, I just long to talk to friends I haven't been in touch with. Friends I've loved, laughed and cried--but they seem so far away now that I wonder if they'd feel the same way as they used to feel. There were a few of them that I had threated losing--I wanted to keep them for life..you know, just a call away--but my phone was too busy for them and they are gone now. I miss them and I wish i had tried harder to keep them near.

2009-09-14T14:27:00.001+05:30

I've been thinking a lot about how much I should share on this blog--will it be ok to tell things that are personal and close to my heart? I remember, when I started out it was more an experiment with blogosphere--I made up stories, learned to haiku, played along meme's quizes and so on. But now that I know what the fuss is about --(blogger turned 10 this year btw) albeit a little late, what's next? How far is too far? I'm not sure. Perhaps I'd just go back to making up stories...if nothing else, to maintian the continuity.

Panda, you'll continue to be my favourite character.

2009-09-11T02:58:00.000+05:30

Panda has been waiting for a very long time to read something that would make him fall in love with me all over again--like the way it did the first time. And since I think I'm going to need time to get on the track, the 'falling in love all over again' has to wait. When I came back to the blog a couple of days back, it took me sometime to make the connection with it. Sadly. So much has happened over the past few months that I won't know where to start from...even if I wanted to. No panda, it isn't an excuse--I shall write surely. That being my first vow.

2009-09-10T21:18:00.000+05:30

It's been so long since I wrote anything! My fingers are so numbed --I almost want to cry. The thing called 'writers' block doesn't justify my silence. I feel like I've cheated my friends who came back to this blog day after day faithfully only to see the remnants of the decayed words.

I want to write. Not just here but a lot more. I want to tell the stories that only I can tell. I want to feel the joy--the kind that only writing can give.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-03T13:10:00.005+05:30

I’ve always considered myself blessed—life has been good to me in many ways...with expected turns, though always for the better. 2008 passes by quietly...making me a better person in the process. The last month was special with promises to not turn myself into a person am not; to make not-fighting a habit with my loved one; to be understanding and happy. I must say I’ve been successful in a big way.

2009 is here...and I know this is going to be one of the most eventful years of my life. I’m excited about the new ventures...I just have to ensure that I do them.

Wasn't planning to come up with a resolution list this year. But I just couldn't resist. This year i resolve to do the following diligently:

Take calls or call back when I don’t.
Reply to emails as soon as I get them
Meet my professor once a week
Visit the library at least once a week
Do not buy unnecessary things just because it’s a sale.
Be more matured in my dealings with people
Write an article every day!
Over come my urge to fight
Make being happy a habit.
Cut down my phone bill.
Join a dancing class
Learn to speak Telugu
Visit a new country

Happy Birthday!

2008-11-29T14:05:00.003+05:30

My dearest,

How I wanted to be with you on this special day...just like the way we did on my birthday...I wanted to hold you tight and tell you how much I love you. I wanted to sing the birthday song for you in the sweetest way ever. However, know that I'm conscious of you with every single breath, you are with me in her heart, in my thoughts, and today, I celebrate 'YOU'...the person that you are. I whispered a 'thank you' to your mom and dad for nurturing the way you are. Singing praises to God for bringing you into my life.

Today, I wish you good health, happiness, success and a life that is wonderful and beautiful just as you are. A life worthy of you.

Happy Birthday sweetheart! I love you very much. This much--* my hands wide apart*

Yours, missy

notes

2008-11-20T11:07:00.007+05:30

Counting the stars
Nestling under the moonlit night
Is impractical
Is passé
Me being fairest of all
Is not true
Because I have pigmentation
All over my face
You my hero, my prince
A knight in shining armour
Fits only the fairy tales
You don’t even like riding horses.

When you tell me that
I’m not the prettiest of all
But the loveliest for you
I know you are stating facts
When you shout at me
That I’m driving you in sane
Nuts, draining you
I know, you are just being polite
It’s more than that?
When you tell me you hate me
I know it’s just for that
Very short moment
When you tell me that
I make you the happiest
The saddest
Oh I so believe you.

When you write to me
That you’ve worked all these years
To make me happy
To give me everything that I want
My heart flutters
And smile like princess do
When you insist
That you could be trusted
For life
I tell you I do
For life
When you whisper
You love me
With all your heart
I cry.

Hurt

2008-11-19T16:20:00.005+05:30

I dreamt

That one day

Someday

Admidst the crowd of winning heads,

Shall my name be heard

That my voice be exalted

I hoped with a stirring soul

That I be rested on the purple seat

With hundreds nodding at my side

But here I stand

And feel

The flakes

Of my dreams

Falling all over me

things I'm happy about-2

2008-11-18T15:20:00.002+05:30

Talking things over with mono
The cool weather always make me happy--It's winter!
Wallie deciding to go home and help mom and dad with the house
Sis's family plan to move into our new house
Mom and dad, they seem to be having a great time at home
Finalising on a new school to deploy EFF
Tipping the old auto driver
Not eating outside. have been eating very well at home
Minimal tummy problem
Being in touch with mo's family
Being able to buy good clothes often
Mo's coming back earlier than planned :)
Mo will be with me for his birthday.

promise

2008-11-18T14:41:00.005+05:30

For the hands that hold me and keep me from falling

For the lips that whisper wisdom upon my folly

For the ears that listen when I have too much to say

For the feet that walk towards me when I cannot move

For the eyes that see beyond my sinning soul

For the arms that shelter me from lonliness

For the heart that loves me

Here is to you, I give you mine

For eternity.

past

2008-11-18T10:34:00.006+05:30

I remember those days

When I waited to catch you

in glances, in stares unawares

I remember those nights

when you would walk by

in denims and hooted pull overs

I would tilt my head

To make sure you are around

Around enough

to make my day

make my night

I remember, it used to be enough.

more things I want to do...

2008-11-14T14:15:00.006+05:30

While doing the meme, the rule was to write only 7 things I wanted to do...but it turns out I have quite a few more things that I want to do before I die and I thought I might as well put it up here.

Teach in a university
Act in a movie, one of those that doesn't get released in theaters but goes for international screening *wink wink
Learn to play the guitar and perform in a concert
Write books and become famous
Campaign for an election for someone I trust to bring a change to the Naga society
Walk around the streets of Paris in a trench coat, muffler, knee length high heeled boots.
Take my family on a fancy vacation
Vacation in an exotic island with my loved one where very few people reside--eat their food, learn their language and swim at night
Own a cottage that has a kitchen garden, flower garden and a stream flowing in the backyard
Walk up the aisle with my father in a white gown on my wedding day
Learn to wear the Saree and cook delicious Indian food
Become a columnist for a magazine or a newspaper
Own a walk in closet with really nice clothes, shoes and bags
Do something so that there'll be no child labor and beggars in India
Learn to bake cakes and cook Italian food
Learn dancing with my loved one
Read the Bible (through and through), Koran, Bhagavad Gita and Buddhist & Jain text
Attend Hillsong's Praise and Worship concert
Live in New Zealand or .... for a couple of years
Learn to play chess and beat Mo in the game
Maintain a consistent weight through out

email

2008-11-13T10:45:00.005+05:30

I woke up with the usual sound of the alarm set on my phone but decided to sleep for another hour. But was up within a few minutes, made myself a hot cup of tea and settled on the bean bag with the newspaper. I opened the window and I could feel the cold breeze blowing in---aww! How it brings the Christmas touches....It feels a little cold but I don't want to wear a sweater coz the feeling is so divine and joyful. Last year, at this time of the year I was gearing for my Christmas vacation, shopping and more shopping for family back home. Hola, I got gifts for 56 people! That’s how big my family is.

This morning I decided to write an email to you and start my day with that but the yahoo mail went kaput and I didn't want to use the other mail account. I only relate to you with Yahoo! You might wonder how my little heart keeps track of all these minor details but Mo, that's just the way I'm. :) I plan to write a lot today, a couple of posts for EFF blog, reply to some pending emails and my profile for a Magazine--did I tell you? They want to feature me as one of the young education enthusiast. I'm honored indeed.

I also have to do my assignments which I plan to submit on Monday. Exam starts on the 20th which is a Thursday, a week from now. After my exam, I would like to finish that book for good! You know how long we've been sitting on it.

I wish to have some good time with you....once you are back... I need you to get the Christmas tree--it's in the cupboard way above the ground and help me decorate it. I need you to give me a shoulder rub for all the writings I'd be doing. I need you to come back safe and smiling. You know how devastating these VC meetings can be :) I need you here. with me. and soon.

meme

2008-11-13T00:32:00.006+05:30

I like memes and here is another one stolen from Bellezza :)

7 Things I Did Before:

1. Cycled everyday for almost three years

2. Wrote letters to mom and dad and a whole of others while in college

3. Wore red lipstick

4. Contested in an election and won (college)

5. Thought I was the smartest of the lot

6. Was a Sunday school teacher and was very active socially

7. What people thought of me mattered

7 Things I Do Now:

1. Write for my blogs, research papers, and a book

2. Talk ideas and implement them.

3. Walk around on campus instead of cycling

4. Pay rent, bills and cook--read fashion blogs and buy better clothes

5. Not socially active, likes to be in my own space--and is not wary about what people think of me because I know who I'm and what is best for me.

6. Educating a bro, sis and a thousand others soon

7. Love children like never before, because of my two nephews.

7 Things I Want To Do:

1. Write more, write books

2. Travel more...live abroad for a couple of years

3. Have children of my own and give them exotic names :)

4. Make EFF a success

5. Learn Telugu

6. Make my pigmentation disappear

7. Become an author or a professor

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex:

1. Confidence

2. Intelligence

3. Good dresser/ good shoes and jeans

4. Great in public speaking

5. Well mannered

6. Commitment

7. Wealthy

7 Favorite Foods:

1. Naga food:

Smoked pork cooked with Anishi
smoked beef chutney
Dried fish cooked with mashed potato
Mixed vegetables cooked with bamboo shoot and dried fish

2. Sambhar and chicken curry from Sweetu’s

3. Salads/ boiled vegetables

4. Grilled cubes of chicken and Pastas

5. Oats with ready made dal only because Mo makes it for me when I'm very hungry

6. Rice, Dal, mango pickle and eggs (sunny side up)

7. Tea with salted cookies and bujai

7 Things I Say Most Often:

1. “I’m hungry”

2. "I miss my nephews”

3. "What plans for lunch?”

4. "Do we have class today?"

5. "I have tummy problem"

6. "I’m so stressed"

7. "If it works out....."

longing

2008-11-12T20:22:00.007+05:30

Like the stars that glitter with the glimpse of twillight

dewdrops gushing down with a touch and tingling my toes

with every sound of the heart beat in the stillness of silence

is the joy I feel when I'm with you.

Pune trip--

2008-11-06T16:03:00.006+05:30

I have a list of 'things to do' on the right hand side panel--things I should be accomplishing before I welcome the New Year. Hardly 50 days to go and am not anywhere close! But then, when have I EVER checked my list of things to do?? Perhaps that's one reason why I'm so stressed out at the end of the day. Not because of handling too many things but for not doing the things I should be doing. I always leave things unfinished, unsettled and that leaves me dissatisfied.

However, to save me falling from graceland, and to keep me sane, I visited a new city! And that's one Checked!

Pune is a lovely city in Maharasthra-- a home for people from all over the world. I stayed with my friend who I was meeting after 10 long years—and in my four days stay; she had friends from Korea, Iran, U.S, and Nepal! Perhaps the acculturation of so many different cultures makes the city much more friendlier than most of the cities in India. I could at ease roam around in my shorts without inviting any awkward stares from people. No one came up to ask me if I was from China, or Japan. I noticed that people were least bothered and that was such a refreshing relief after all the ‘stares’ and ‘whistles’ we have to handle here in Hyder

abad.

I especially liked the shopping spree I went about, with so many choices and convenient location….an entire street of lovely clothes and shoes and bags! the sandals made of velvet and straw just for Rs. 50 was a real treat.

But commuting was such a pain, unless you have a car, life would be difficult. ALL the auto rickshaws (Taxis) have tampered meters and for a 500 meter ride you end up shelling out 30-50 rupees. That’s when I vowed to be nice to the auto drivers here in Hyderabad…yes, they are a pain in the ass sometimes esp. when they want to travel according to their convenience and not yours, but they are not rude and thanks to the digital meters, they don’t cheat you.

The best part of the trip was catching up with my dearest friend. There is something about childhood friends…there is so much to talk about…but 10 years is

a long time to be apart and out of touch…I still have a lot of things to tell her…perhaps I’ll have to wait for her vacation to Hyderabad early next year. Over all, I came back refreshed, recharged and a happier person.

loss

2008-10-21T19:59:00.002+05:30

Yesterday when you told me “you are OUT” it felt like I was being forcefully separated from my ‘child’. But like every mother that stays true to her emotions and rights of her child, I will win back my place. In time, I will.

Wall E and Eva

2008-08-30T23:35:00.009+05:30

I watched Wall E last night with my buddies--a Friday night, perfect time to unwind and what better way than hurriedly finishing work...running up the elevator, grabbing a hot dog and diet coke. I wasn't too keen on this particular movie actually because last weekend's movie was also an animation (Kung Fu panda) and especially when I found out that it was about "robots".

Robots? Wall E and Eva were more 'humans' than most people are. Emotions that were emoted by Eva and Wall E was truly touching. Without the pats of eyelashes or the usual voice over by stars--in a lifeless earth, this movie had me filled with such divine feelings. When Wall E go through a moment of amnesia, tears welled up my eyes, I thought of Eva, I thought of Mo. But happiness was back with us soon enough as Wall E regains his memory when for the first time they clasped their 'fingers' and held us all in the magnitude and awesomeness of love.

(Images are from the Internet)

street food

2008-08-01T15:04:00.001+05:30

dad

2008-07-31T14:49:00.005+05:30

Papa dearest,
I've grown over the years
in age and in distance
have become independent
I take care of myself when I'm unwell
buys medicine also on my own
I pack my stuff too when I travel
but I'm still your little girl at heart
I miss you each day
even more
when I look at your latest picture
which wallie has on his camera
you look old and tired
it makes me cry
papa, I love you and
I'll be home soon
in the mean time,
please eat well
and stay happy.

red ribbons and plaits

2008-07-31T11:41:00.006+05:30

Apart from many other things I do, I also teach in a school using the 'Virtual Classroom' technology we have been developing for a year now. I teach them from my office 4 days a week and once a week I walk down to meet them for a round of feedback and heart to heart talk. When I joined the school sometime last year, most of them could hardly understand English but now I notice that they try to converse in English too. Baby steps but they try and they learn. I'm yet to calculate their progress but yes I can see results.

I leave here some pictures of my students:

scholar

2008-07-31T11:04:00.008+05:30

After a 3 year hiatus, I'm back to being a student! Just day before last I enrolled for my doctoral program in Folk Culture Studies. Life is going to get even more hectic but it's going to be fun for sure. Happy me :)

stress buster

2008-07-31T10:55:00.003+05:30

When I go 'brain dead' or when I'm down, when I have a fight I come and stand here for a couple of minutes. The balcony of my work space. My stress buster.

a winter sunset

2008-06-19T19:30:00.005+05:30

This picture was taken from the balcony of the Changki village church (Nagaland) guest house this January. When you live in a city and work from 9-9 without a glimpse of the sunrise or the sunset, seeing something like that feels heavenly. Back home, where my parents and my ancestors reside, where there is very little pollution...every sunset is poetry in motion. I was dressed in trench coat, boots, gloves, muffler looking warm and pretty making the experience even more delightful! I do love winter.

untitled

2008-06-18T13:00:00.007+05:30

This is the city I love.
The place I yearn for --even when I’m home with folks
This is the city I cried for, when 3 years back I left for good
This is the city I came back to—to restart my life, looking for a new home...
But could I ever possibly call it home?
When every time I walk on the streets
They remind me that I’m different
That I’m a misfit
That I’m an outsider
How would I call it home when I’m paranoid to walk on the streets?
Because I’m going to receive those lecherous stares
Be whistled at by teenagers
Be mobbed by bikers
Because I’m going to be offered a free ride
Because when I walk, there’ll be those ‘sick in the head’
But how long will this go on?
When will they ever accept me?
When will they ever let me be?
When can I call finally call it “my home”?

Vizag trip---Araku valley

2008-06-17T18:02:00.013+05:30

On our way to the valley, we stopped by a small open air restaurant for breakfast and relished the south Indian special breakfast--aka Idli, Dosa, upma, sambhar and coconut chutney. Just outside the restaurant, we also spotted a swing tied to a big tree... we obviously swung like lil children... after all, it's was our vacation and we could do everything we wanted to.

Though it was technically a valley that we went to, there wasn't much valley to see around, we were disappointed especially Sweets who prefers hills and mountains than beaches.
But we did find a group of people, the residents of Araku valley--in full fiesta out for their daily bazaar. Most women were seen sporting the triple nose rings--look closely and you'll see what I mean.

pumpkins! yummy!The colorful sarees on display!and some red chillies too-- here the bag is kept open and the chillies are made to flow down into a mould after which they sort them into small portions. very organized and looks hot!

Vizag trip--Rashikonda beach

2008-06-17T15:01:00.014+05:30

I’ve talked about the Vizag trip I took in the last week of March this year but have never actually written anything about it. It so happens me that, when something is so beautiful and close to the heart, be it a feeling, or an experience… I avoid writing about them. Somehow, I’m apprehensive of not doing justice to it… I feel my words wouldn’t be adequate enough to express the experience. As a result, I’ve let go of so many things “unspoken” and gradually forgotten. I can’t let that happen to my most wonderful trip ever and therefore I’m attempting to recapture the moments…at least visually. Be warned, it might not seem as exhilarating as it was.

After Hyderabad's mad traffic and pollution, the Vizag roads we traveled soothed our souls!
and just as you stop by for a shell of coconut water, you hear the waves...and feel the breeze...yes right below the road, is the beach you see here:

I want a cottage on the hill up there and wake up each morning to the calmness of the sea.

retrieving

2008-06-17T00:15:00.012+05:30

It’s already the 6^th month of the year—I’ve already lived almost half of this year! Unbelievable, the way time flies…with each year time passes even faster. Although I’m not sure if am happy at how things have turned out to be—nothing disastrous but nothing overwhelming either…I’d like to live a life where am stretched and challenged a lil beyond what I can handle…I think something like that would be extremely fulfilling.

A recap…

I woke up on the morning of 1^st Jan to the whistles of the pressure cooker…my mom was cooking in the kitchen. For the first time in 6 years, our family got to spend Christmas together at my sister’s place—but by new year we got home…New Year’s eve was extremely memorable. Dad made a bonfire—and we sat circled around it, watching Justine and Wapang dance to the loud music played in the background. At the stroke of midnight dad fired a couple of gunshots as a sign of saying goodbye to the old year and welcoming the New Year. It felt like I was taken backwards…bonfires, music, gunshots had been a tradition in the family which dad religiously observed with or without us kids at home.

I landed back in Hyderabad on the 8^th of Jan. Mo had come to pick me up looking all ‘worked out’. Apparently he was living on orange juice and a strict work out regime with the dutiful and persistent trainer. I was treated to a plate of Hyderabadi biryani—I missed it as much as I missed him.

Celebrated Valentines Day 14^th February with home cooked food and lots of chocolates and roses.

N and I had been working on a book late 2007 but I was a difficult person to work with until I went home for a break. N says it’s because of my nephew. I couldn’t agree less. Babies are amazing! They can completely change your life. We restarted working on the book from mid Jan till the first week of April. It was taxing working for 12 hours at a stretched most days.

Last week of March, I went on a vacation to Vizag with my three heroes. And I had the most wonderful time ever! The beach never looked so lovely, coconut water never felt so refreshing. Lying on the sand was a therapy in itself. When ever I think of it...my palms tinkle and feel the excitement all over again.

Most of May, I wasn’t myself or rather too much of myself. Mood swings and numerous telephonic fights with dad over the marriage thingy. He thinks 27 is the perfect age to be betrothed into matrimony just so that I can have babies by 30 and later. My cousin Apok arrived on the 8^th of May to live with me…definitely for another 3 years. Happy and blessed to have a family with me. It is a joy.

I shamelessly took two weeks off in late May to prepare for my Ph.D entrance exam...wrote the exams on the 3rd and 6th of June. I hope to make it--it's been a long break now and I desperately want to get back to academics.

School reopened on the 12^th June and I’m back to teaching 80 girls 45 minutes every day. I cannot wait for the day when I will announce the deployment of Virtual Classroom technology. It’s been a year now in development and I’m becoming impatient. I hope as I write about the 6 remaining months, I will start with that announcement.

Sigh, I wish life was more nerve racking and adventurous!

things I’m happy about...

2008-06-16T15:59:00.005+05:30

Getting back to blogging—however minimal it might be.
The weather—the breeze, wind and the rain
My cousin getting admitted to college and enrolling for a subject combo she wanted.
It’s the 16^th of the month and I haven’t used my credit card even once!
My sister is doing great—even walking around the lawn, she will hopefully be discharged by the 20^th.
The girls were very attentive in class today.
Things are happening in office—everybody seems to be working and enthusiastically.
The bags I had ordered online arrived safe and beautiful! I’ve started using since yesterday.
Haven't fought with Mo for one whole week!

realization

2008-06-16T14:18:00.002+05:30

It’s surprising how I missed wishing both my mom and dad on their respective mother’s and father’s days. It wasn’t intentional of course, but the fact is that I didn’t manage to wish them. Even when I knew that if I didn't talk to them in the morning hours before they went to church, it’d be impossible to catch them, I still woke up oh-so-leisurely at 11am. And in the afternoon when they were home, I went to church and outing with friends and all and by the time I got home, they were fast asleep or so I assumed.

I was wrong-- my brother called up to tell that dad waited for my call till 10pm and went off to sleep tad disappointed. This is also the first time in 10 years I missed sending them their much deserved gifts. I’m not sure what has gotten into me, but it’s something I mustn't take it lightly. Being away from home for 10 years and meeting them only once a year and not even that sometimes, can take a toll on the relationship. After all, relationship is something you work on, be it parents.

baby boy!

2008-06-11T19:15:00.003+05:30

It's a baby boy! after grueling for almost 24 hours, she decided to go for C-section and after half an hour in the OT, Voila! another addition to the family--a beautiful baby boy. Mom says he looks like bro-in-law, sis thinks he resembles Justin our kid bro. I wasn't worried about who he resembled. But the first thing I wanted to know was if the lil dude had our family's beautifully and strategically pointy nose unlike my bro-in -law's broad, big nostrils and all. And thankfully nose-wise he is on our side. We now have to battle for the name! the paternal grandfather has chosen a rather boring name for the lil dude... I hope they will not make a final call on that.

At the end of the day, even after all the tension and excitement, I don't get to see the baby. I don't get to hold my darling sister's lil bundle of joy. My nephew. Not now and probably not for another few months. Sad. But then, it'll be worth the wait.

longing

2008-06-10T21:27:00.002+05:30

My sister is in labor now…as much as I look forward to my lil niece or nephew… I’m anxious and worried. She got admitted to the hospital last night and ever since then I’ve been impatient. It’s not so much about she being in labor but it’s about not being with there when she needs me the most

At times such as this, it makes me wonder if there is any point in staying so far away from home, from loved ones. If only I was there…I could have rubbed away the sweat from her forehead and held her through this moment. I could have even watched her smile as she held her baby for the first time.

lost

2008-04-28T19:21:00.006+05:30

Thwarted. Frustrated.

In a strange land

Where cuckoos cry

Here I search for my languished words and life.

trance

2008-04-27T15:34:00.005+05:30

When I feel lonely and depressed and useless and stupid and everything and when I find my days rotting in nothingness, I blame it on PMS. Yesterday when I shouted at my dad because he complained that I didn’t call him for a month when he in fact asked me to call him everyday. I blamed it on PMS. When I accused my friends calling them “hopeless” and “ungentlemen” and screwed up their lovely evening because they didn’t offer to give me a lift. I blamed it again on PMS. When my dearest friend stayed the night at my place and I ranted about the annoying auto drivers, bad birthday gifts, rude smses, the heat, my weight and the nosy -noisy watchman. She patiently listened and consoled me saying “it’s just PMS”.
I fought with my loved one for no apparent reason. Hurting him again and again and again. I warned him about my “upcoming mood swings” but then how long can he understand and bear my wickedness. Today he walked out of my house, of my life.

Perhaps it’s not just PMS; it’s the person that I’m. Unforgiving. Selfish and an Avenger at its best.

away

2008-02-21T10:33:00.003+05:30

the sky under which my folks reside :)

mom's anthurium

2008-02-01T16:39:00.000+05:30

Thank you 2007!

2008-02-01T11:51:00.001+05:30

I’ve been away for quite a long time now! Was away on the hills, at home-- with folks for Christmas and New Year and some more. And then, the post vacation bug bugged me for quite some time.

My family spent Christmas together after six long years and perhaps that was one reason why it was exceptionally awesome. We were all so full of love! Hardly any fights except fighting for my darling nephew. The first grandchild in the family and I guess that explains it. Until I come up with any fancy thoughts, I leave here some of the pictures I clicked during my vacation.

Have a beautiful year!

It's been almost two years now since dad retired. A workaholic that he was..fell into depression until he decided to take up gardening. The moment I reached home he took me around exhibiting his well tended beans, the mustard, the broomsticks, berries and the works! He is happy--thanks to a tension free job and we are happy too...coz we get to relish fresh veggies and fruits straight from the garden! :)

"it's my turn to kiss him!" "no it's mine"!! "It's my turn ...you just did it!" and the baby says: "bug off you adults! it hurts" (my bros Justine and Wallie, cousin Apok and the hero Nung

moa the baby)

my cheeks have turned pink!

The view from my veranda. Notice the star? that's a neighbor's Christmas star hosted on a bamboo.

This river runs down below my aunt's

cottage in a small town "Tsudikong". while the adults were catching up, we kids decided to try the raft. (am not in the picture though...my turn came later but no one captured my glorious moment of rafting for the first time!)

anticipation

2007-11-20T11:32:00.001+05:30

I stepped out of my house, barefoot and unawares

And felt the dewy pebbles on my feet.

Around me, the birds chirped

Perching on the rooftop of the coop.

This was no poetry; this was real

I even saw the sun peaking out of the clouds and the mountains

In all its splendor, in royal orange mixed with a tinge of crimson red

Its rays fell on my hair, I touched, and it was warm.

I tiptoed towards the wind house

Built with bamboo, and leaned on one of its poles

The star shone down on me

The star we hosted on a bamboo, against the sky

Indicating Jesus’ birthday, the bulb still on.

I looked down and saw men in khaki cleaning the roads and trimming the cherry trees.

I remembered we planted those as part of our school activity

“Cherry trees grow fast” said our teacher,

I now know, he spoke some more facts apart from the school textbooks

I also saw my neighbor, an aunty, pulling out mustard leaves from her garden,

ahh! The seasonal vegetable growing activity I had forgotten

This is December, mustard grows this season, and beans in July

Pumpkins in April and corn in August

While still counting, I heard music coming from the other neighbor’s house
"Joy to the world the lord has come” filled the morning breeze
I sang along in alto.
Another one started at a distance: “jingle bells, jingle all the way”
Jingling aloud for all to hear!
I became conscious: “what if the neighbors complain”?
But remembered that this is how things are here
This is home.
People see no awkwardness in playing loud music,
Especially in this Christmas season.
So with the mixed bag of music echoing into my ears,
I gazed towards the tiny villages on hilltops
Glittering with starlights,
Breaking into day with the sun now rising higher
Warming my body and my soul.

sheep counting

2007-11-15T11:32:00.001+05:30

My pillow feels harder tonight as if the cramps on my feet are not hard enough. A heavy tummy after savoring a plate of steak and some guilt, and this heart with some burdens of my own whims, sleep seems afar. I try to think of you but I only see that ‘look’ you gave me when I told you “I miss you”. I’m sure I sound absurd sitting right beside you and missing you. But I do. I long for your care: just a ‘look’ or a gentle touch is what I want. And when you do that, the pillow will seem soft, the cramps will be ignored, feel thin and sleep with that smile on my face. That smile you love.

You see, I’m as simple as that! And you still have the guts to call me complicated.

depression

2007-10-23T18:49:00.001+05:30

Like dew drops

Falling off every yam leaf

Is my zeal for life.

moments

2007-10-18T12:30:00.001+05:30

I catch myself smiling when I think of the way you tilted your head and innocently told me that I’m not beautiful but cute. And when I gave you that puzzled look, you struggled to come up with your own definition of “cute”. You said it was a combination of beautiful, smart and a charming personality! I vowed never to look up the dictionary for the actual meaning.

haiku

2007-10-16T14:48:00.001+05:30

Winter is here!

Time for coal and cold

With you gone

Tears roll down

Burning my bare cheeks

And my heart

But I will

Be healed and held

And be loved.

pics

2007-09-18T18:31:00.001+05:30

I'm posting some pictures which cannot be simply stored away unseen in an old computer. These pictures were taken by my friend fat boy slim on a trip to Srisailam (a dam) about 200kms from Hyderabad. But since he doesn't have a blog or any other platform to flaunt his good work. here I take the privilege:

and when the gates open....

It flows!

a hut in the jungle...notice the smoke? I can imagine a mother cooking for the kids outside

see? must be deliciously yummy! :)

reminds me of Wordsworth's lucy..."a violet by a mossy stone..."

into the wilderness...

the rugged road they traveled!! no wonder you came back with your back pain.

this one makes me miss home.

prayer

2007-09-13T16:28:00.001+05:30

I wait upon you

for your will to see me through

Sweet hours I decline.

Will you let me be

in your arms? while strength I ask

To rise. Victorious.

Had we but world enough, and time.

2007-09-06T12:54:00.001+05:30

Her petite body wrapped in a mauve flowing gown

Lay in a dark, heavy coffin

With red roses and white carnations scattered over her.

The diamond pendant on her neck sparkled

reminding him of the night they shared their first kiss.

Death did not take away her beauty, neither his love, their love.

*the title is borrowed from the poem To his Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell

Hyderabad...still a home for all.

2007-08-30T19:50:00.001+05:30

Hyderabad is my second home. I simply love this place. I’ve been here for 7 years and I‘ve only come to love it more and more over the years. This is the place where I found love, discovered the joys of friendship, of eating out, movies, shopping for secondhand books and so much more! I had my two siblings here for vacation when I was still a student. I had the second batch, i.e. my parents and the remaining two siblings last Christmas. And they all LOVE Hyderabad.

My parents sleep in peace even though I’m 5000 miles away from them. When they came here, they saw that I had wonderful neighbors, and friends who love me dearly. They even found the auto drivers “nice.” My dad was so impressed with their honesty and demeanor that he even started to tip them generously.

Now when the city that we love so dearly is bombed and attacked, my heart aches. When they heard, my parents cried not only because they were worried about their children, they were also shocked by the way the safe home had been attacked and shaken. This is the city where they left their footprints, the city that gave them so many beautiful memories to take home. My family prays that Hyderabad rises up from this calamity and once again proves it to be the safe home that it has been for their daughter and so many others.

From the kukkers mouth...

2007-08-24T12:17:00.000+05:30

It’s a lazy day and I decided to browse through Kuknalim, a home for the Nagas away from home. This is a website visited by Nagas living outside Nagaland everyday. We get to read all juicy news, or chat with friends and strangers, participate in forums and talk everything from politics to philosophy, religion to technology, sports, music and silly things like “You know you are in love when...” I found this really cute and got some here just for smiles. Have fun :)

People at Kuknalim say:

You know you are in love when songs seem to have deeper meanings than it earlier did for you.
You know you are in love, when you call him up just to hear his voice even though you are still angry with him.
You know you're in love when you treasure even a simple conversation with her and keep rewinding it in your mind.
When you wish that the day gets longer as you spend time together
When you ache for him/her very badly
When other women don't make much sense...
When other Men don't make sense at all…
U takes an hour and a half to finish a 12 page book
You don’t know why, but you like spending your entire day with her
When your heart can manage to skip a beat!
You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend”, but
you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
When you come across a field of mustard plants, imagine her, and you want to sing ".....tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam..." (bollywood style)
When you start giving names of your unborn babies and feel no embracement in adding his surname
When you get a call unexpectedly from him (long long distance call) and pass the day with that stupid smile on your face
When.... All your passwords are related to him.
When you suddenly become a poet, a lyricist and a fairy-tale author

reminds me of my teenage years :)

shining through

2007-08-21T01:31:00.000+05:30

So far, I'm from you.

Clothed in anguish and despair,

I hear you say 'come'

am awarded!

2007-08-20T14:30:00.001+05:30

Bellezza nominated me for the "Nice Matters" award and I cannot stop smiling! For all of you who don’t know Bellezza, she is a teacher, has a passion for reading, loves Harry Potter, great with crafting things with her hands, and is now remodeling her kitchen. I’ve been reading her blog for a month now and she has to be nicest person ever (am not surprised she is nominated). She is my first blogger friend and I’m glad I’ve found her. Thank you!

moments in snatches

2007-08-18T09:15:00.000+05:30

On one of my visits to the villages in Andhra Pradesh, I saw these beautiful women and couldn't help asking them to pose for me.

she sells peanuts and homemade cookies to school children during their recess

They are the Banjaras; a tribal group in India. What they are wearing now is their everyday wear...I simply love their silver jewelery and embroidered, colorful choli!

She is 60 and glowing!

2007-08-15T23:26:00.001+05:30

India is celebrating her 60th year of Independence today. A day to rejoice, a day to retrospect, a day to pay respects to the many souls who sacrificed much for this land.

India is a wonderful nation. I love the culture and I truly admire the fact that in a fast-changing world, she has still not forgotten her roots. A lot about India has changed in the past 60 years, but there is still something called "Indian"--the essence remains the same.

I like India because Indians feel proud to be Indians and whenever they are they do not forget where they belong.

Today the world recognizes her, and garlands her with flowers. I pray India outshines the world!

And I hope that by the time she celebrates her 61st Independence Day, I will have learned Telugu, and be educating those children out there in those villages and make her proud of me.

A very happy Independence Day India!

Black bandanas

2007-08-07T23:25:00.002+05:30

The bridge was old. Some moss had gathered on the pathway too. It looked as if it hadn’t been used for quite some time. There was mist around us....But through the mist we could see the branches moving with the soft wind. You had my favorite jacket on and the muffler I knitted for you last Christmas. I had my hair open; every once in a while you had your hand putting it behind my ears. My head on your big shoulders, we were listening to the songs on our iPod.

Suddenly, I saw a group of camouflaged men with black bandanas coming towards us. You pushed me aside and asked me to run… I could not; how could I have left you all by yourself out there? But I heard you screaming GO! Just as I started to run I heard gunshots. Terrified, I turned towards you and saw you bleeding…I started to cry…I tried to run towards you, to hold you… but I couldn’t lift my feet. I was calling out your name…

Just then, my brother woke me up, asking, “Oya, do you want toast or chapatti for breakfast?” I sighed and said “chapatti” and got in for a shower.

I’ve had many encounters with camouflaged men...many of them first-hand... and far too many second hand but still very close to home. And they still haunt me in my sleep. But thankfully, when I wake up, I wake to a normal life, normal work and a normal breakfast.

To all my friends on friendship day!

2007-08-02T19:25:00.000+05:30

My life would have been so colorless without you. You have been with me since my childhood days; we remain ‘childhood friends’ any day!

My oldie gangsters! That was one rocking phase. All those full moon night walks and birthday bashes and choir practices. We rocked big time!

I met you in high school in some inter-school competition, and you ended up becoming one of my best friends. I’m blessed to have you near me even today.

It was another competition we were preparing for…we became friends….and even after nearly 10 years of not seeing you, you still make me smile.

I keep wishing I had you as my friend in my growing up years. I feel good about myself when I’m with you. Near or far, you are always true.

I met you guys in college…we became best friends…we rarely get in touch now but I know when we meet we can pick up where we left and that I will always be special to you.

And you! I don’t know where you are now…but those letter writing days! I had not even seen you then, but we shared so much…that’s when I started writing and tried to write well, just to impress you. I hope you are well wherever you are.

I traveled with you on one of the best journeys of my life...I don’t know how you are now but I hope you are happy.

You are now overseas with your husband and I know you are happy being married. Just make sure I’m your first-born’s godmother :) I miss you!

My university babes! I enjoyed friendship with you. The real pleasures of shopping, organizing surprise birthday parties, movie watching weeks, pubbing, long post-dinner walks were discovered with you!

My university dudes…I miss those heart-rending intellectual talks over gops ka chai :)
And of course, the yummy food you guys cooked for us!

I met you girls only for a couple of weeks…but you came into my life when I was in need of some “girlie talk.” That was so refreshing! We remain friends for life.

We took it for granted when we were together. I cried when I heard you were not coming back…but now that I know you would…come back soon…we’ll chill out on weekends, talk and dance till we drop. We also have to plan for my b'day…my makeover…there is so much to do!

Each day I discover more of your sweetness and that I can be myself with you...without having to worry if I'm judged or not. My circle of friends isn’t a circle without you.

You are someone I can come to any day for a hug or a cry. You understand me completely and always have the perfect lines for me. I make a fool of myself in front of you and still don’t feel embarrassed. We can talk about anything under the sun…two years of talking and it only gets sweeter.

And you! My latest friend… it’s such a beautiful thing being friends with you…we are so different and yet we can share so much… our silly happenings, the lil secrets… including green apples and carrots for lunch! You listen to me with that cute smile on your face and just know how to make up for making me angry! :) More than anything… you are someone I look up to.

And now here’s to you ALL “A very happy friendship day”!

Thank you!

moving on...

2007-07-31T01:23:00.003+05:30

I saw you behind that big crowd of friends you had. Amidst the sarcasm, pride, and stupidity. I knew you did not fit in there.

I saw you again, this time with that green long sleeved shirt. You looked at me.
I wondered if you had something to say.

Two autumns later, we held our hands and walked through three blissful springs. And as I turned to walk towards my dewy path, I heard you cry.

I hushed you to sleep. Your cheeks still wet with tears.
And I watch you now, for the last time; scared of the world that awaits me without you.
But I must go.
Before the dawn brings another dusk.

haiku

2007-07-27T13:25:00.001+05:30

I peeked through the fog

I snatched a sight. And behold!
I loved what I saw.

monsoon

2007-07-24T15:26:00.000+05:30

Bike is clean, road’s dirty

The trees look green and happy

It must be the rain.

for my Harry pottter maniacs

2007-07-24T09:58:00.001+05:30

guys,

I just discovered this quiz from jen's blog "which Harry Potter character are you? ". It's fun! I scored 45 and that makes me

Hermione Granger :)

43 - 59
You're clever, ambitious, and have enough brains to be in Ravenclaw: You're Hermione Granger, Harry's super-smart sidekick.

Try it out and tell me which character are you in the comments section.

The image is from the Internet

seasonal whispers

2007-07-22T23:31:00.001+05:30

Create your own visitor map!

Telugu

2007-07-20T10:18:00.001+05:30

I’m into my 7^th year now in Hyderabad. Not one day have I felt the need to learn the local language (Telugu). But as I get into the interiors, meet children in rural schools, I feel a pang of regret. So much is left unspoken.

I decided to give it a try…I’ve never tried learning any new languages, this is my first attempt. The picture below is the white board in front of my desk.

Wish me luck!

phone rings ~papa and mama calling~

2007-07-19T20:50:00.000+05:30

Me: Hello

Dad: rubiee

Me: Hi papa! what’s up?

Dad: it’s been long so wanted to talk to you (three days)

Me: yea...I was thinking of calling you.

Dad: Hi Koda? (what’s up) Are you sick? (meaning you don’t sound well)

Me: No…just yimra (meaning cold. seasonal sickness). I’ll be ok

Dad: Did you go around without a sweater late in the night? You must not let cold wind get into you.

Me: papa, this is Hyderabad. We don’t do sweaters here.

Dad: ahh…true …but you must take care. Drink warm water…and mom is saying heat some oil and fry some garlic and drink that. You will be fine in ten minutes.

Me: aaereerrrr Mama also na! Papa please don’t worry I’ll be fine.

Dad: Haoha (ok if you say so) and Hi, thanks for the shirt…I really like it except for the color…

Me: Oh! You don’t like it?…pink is my favorite, and I thought its time you start looking pleasant…you know you’ll look real sweet in that. You wear to church this Sunday.

Dad: hahaha I’m old I don’t have to look sweet. How’s wallie and apok? Are they fine? Do they also have a cold?

Me: No, no cold for them….they are doing great…and they don’t even miss home! I don’t either. *giggles*

Dad: yeah..i don’t miss you either…(I could hear that laughter) I’m keeping the phone...ok? (hanging up).

Me: alrite…and don’t you spend your entire day in the garden papa?

Dad: I don’t! Ok..am keeping the phone.

Me: ok then..bye.

:)

2007-07-19T15:04:00.001+05:30

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

2007-07-19T12:42:00.001+05:30

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

i long.

2007-07-18T08:50:00.001+05:30

to feel the warmth of your embrace, to see your cheeks curving out when you smile, the moles on your upper lip, those long hard fingers clasping in mine, your eyes when your secrets unfold. To watch the evening turning into night, to watch our shadows nestled in the comfort of our love.

food for thought

2007-07-17T17:11:00.002+05:30

My mom cooks very well; she can make a sumptuous meal out of some vegetables. It would actually taste like a meat curry. Despite that, as kids and such brats we were, would crib away demanding for visible meat in our plates. Then my mom in all her diplomacy would say that love was one of the ingredients put into the food. And therefore we were not supposed to complain.

It took us time to discipline ourselves. But today, when I’m invited for a meal by my friends, or my friend’s parents, the food always taste good. Not that it isn’t cooked tasty. But over the years, my mom’s words of wisdom over our dinning table has conditioned my mind that indeed “love” has gone into making that food.

After filling my stomach, I make sure I do not fail to fill my mouth with words of appreciation for the efforts and consideration. Cooking and feeding someone is a very loving and generous act, and must always be appreciated. And after all, it could be me cooking for someone next, and I wouldn’t want people to complain and not be grateful.

2007-07-16T15:36:00.001+05:30

The ladies night out was bombastic! I might not come up with a detailed write up but there is something I wouldn’t want to risk forgetting so I’m making a note of it here.

I said we would be talking about our single sweet bosses. My friend from Mumbai had something different to tell us. In her own words: “she was worse than a bloody boy friend!!” (her ex boss happened to be a divorcee 40 something) we rolled!!

One word meme

2007-07-15T00:26:00.000+05:30

Stolen from Dolce Bellezza

1. Where is your mobile phone? Desk

2. Relationship? Sweet

3. Your hair? Layered

4. Work? Life

5. Your sister(s)? Married

6. Your favorite thing? Perfumes

7. Your dream last night? :)

8. Your favorite drink? Tea

9. Your dream car? Gift

10. The room you're in? Bedroom

11. Your shoes? Comfortable

12. Your fears? Loss

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Writer

14. Who did/will you hang out with this weekend? Friends

15. What are you not good at? Patience

16. Muffin? Rarely

17. Wish list item? Success

18. Where you grew up? Nagaland

19. The last thing you did? Brushed

20. What are you wearing? Shorts

21. What are you not wearing? Shades

22. Your pet? Teddy

23. Your computer? Noisy

24. Your life? Vibrant

25. Your mood? Melancholic

26. Missing? Dad

27. What are you thinking about? Home

28. Your car? None

29. Your kitchen? Nourishing

30. Your summer? Hot

31. Your favorite color? Pink

32. Last time you laughed? Today

33. Last time you cried? Yesterday

34. School? Competitive

35. Love? Beautiful

ladies night out

2007-07-14T13:43:00.001+05:30

My mind is whirling with images of those Afghan children from the Khaled Hosseini Novel, The Kite Runner. That, and the long list of unfinished tasks. Blogs to update, teachers to meet, text books to read, writing to do, laundry, tables to dust and friends to meet.

I find myself panicking each Friday. Esp. this time with three friends from Mumbai all from different circles, all coming over the same weekend.

But am especially looking forward to tomorrow's ladies night out. This will be a happy one, no nagging about torturous boyfriends. We’ll be talking again about delicious Goa food, and how we love walking on the sand with shorts and halter tops, and that there are no good men around, not even in Mumbai…We’ll be commenting on hair colors and layer cuts, talk about our sweet single bosses.

We will also talk of work, future plans, vacations to take, books to read, families, homes…the food will get cold as we talk away. Then we will take a stroll perhaps, do some shopping and be grooving the rest of the night. That’s when I’ll forget my long list of things to do, and fill my heart with laughter and love of my friends.

illusion

2007-07-12T10:42:00.002+05:30

I now count the stars
wear lipsticks and eyeshadows
I think I’m in love.

2007-07-11T22:04:00.002+05:30

The hills, slopes and green

Faces I know, hands to hold,

My heart aches for home.

Miss you!

2007-07-11T19:22:00.002+05:30

Drenched in the monsoon rain,

Cold in a corner I sit and wait

For your arms, in mine.

trial haiku

2007-07-11T18:14:00.001+05:30

I walk in silence

Barefooted, on the soft beach

Walking towards my sandals

purple breeze

2007-07-11T01:13:00.001+05:30

I have friends of all sizes, big and small, tall and short. But they all come with that same large sized heart. Sometimes they understand me better than I do, as it is with most people. Sometimes I hear from them what I “need” to hear.

Just when I thought, I was incapable of being a “loving” person again, he tells me:

“Well, you are a very passionate person and expect the same from the other side... when they fall short ... you don't know how to deal with it... you just need to meet that person who is as loving as you are”.

I smiled, and it stayed for a long time.

The Waking

2007-07-05T17:22:00.000+05:30

by Theodore Roethke

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

the memory cupboard

2007-07-02T10:51:00.001+05:30

I once dated a guy who was tall. He stood above me by a good few inches. We both loved dancing, esp. those slow ones. But when we danced, my head couldn’t rest on his shoulders. I therefore decided to buy high heeled sandals. I ended up with a dozen of them.

When we broke up, I didn’t know what to do with the sandals. So I tucked them away along with those songs and lyrics, gifts and letters in our 'memory cupboard’ at home beside a pile of dad's old love letters and photos of his college crushes.

It’s been three summers now since I’ve opened that cupboard.

a repost

2007-06-30T11:37:00.000+05:30

A couple of months back, an uncle was shot dead back home, out of anguish, I wrote an article and got it posted at kuknalim.com. a Naga website. I got a lot of response through phone calls, comments, and emails. The most touching moment was when aunt called up and told me that she has the article framed beside her bed. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Here it is:

(Originally posted on Saturday, March 31st, 2007)

How many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
How many times can a man turn his head,
And pretend he just doesn't see?
How many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

Imtishilu, a retired policeman from 2nd NAP Alichen, was shot dead by some unidentified persons while he was returning with his wife from Mokokchung to Alichen...

This happened on the 17th of March 2007. He was from Settsu village. A group of armed men tried to stop the car Uncle and his wife were in. It was already dark, so concerned about safety, Uncle did not stop. In an insanely disproportionate response, the armed men were provoked enough to open fire. Uncle was fatally shot, though he lived long enough to reach home.

Killing has not only become easier in Nagaland, it also has become meaningless, insignificant and rampant. His wife, in shock, incredulous, and looking for any explanation that might justify such a calamity, asked the armed men why they were killing innocent people. Their response? Since Uncle had disobeyed by not stopping the car, he had been shot dead.

A person who was so full of love for everyone, never harmed anyone, probably never punished his children even when they disobeyed him had been shot dead just because he did not stop his car. Ruthless, unforgiving punishment for breaking a rule that had been arbitrarily imposed. What punishment??

When I heard that “Oko Imtishilu is no more” I felt sad that someone I knew since I was a little girl was no more. But what hurts me even more is the manner, the futility of his death. I had only heard of such incidents happening to people I didn’t know or knew only remotely. But this was different. This was close.

Uncle Imtishilu did not deserve to die this way. He was a good man, a devoted husband, a generous and ever cheerful and helpful neighbor, an understanding and loving father. His mistake that evening was not stopping the car. His mistake that evening was to be concerned about his family. Why was he shot? So that someone could prove that they were powerful enough to terrorize ordinary, harmless people? His wife came back home, but she will not be the same person and never will be. The pain, the memories, the horror, will remain.

The funeral is over, relatives are back to their respective places and families, and the neighbors are back doing their regular chores.

Life always finds a way to return to normalcy eventually. But not for everyone. Not for the wife, the children and the grandchildren. Their lives are changed. Pain, regret, and anger overwhelm them in a way no one will understand.

Or maybe someone will. We all know of at least one such tragedy. We all understand. Because the real victim here is Nagaland.

What did Uncle Imtishilu’s death achieve? There was grief, there was fury. And there was the funeral. There was a 12 hrs bandh in Alichen.

Life is back to normal already. But today in Nagaland, normal means fearfully waiting for something like this to happen again, wishing it never will. But it does.

Death is common, and cheap. And our idea of a normal human life, of a civilized society, has been twisted almost beyond repair.

How many more deaths do we need, before we speak up? Before we say that this is wrong? That humans are not meant to die this way. That humans are not meant to live this way. That life is sacred. And precious. And that if this continues, Nagaland will pay a heavy price: If we do not value our own lives, no one else will.

Protest. Speak up. Act. You will probably save the life of your son, your wife, your husband, daughter, friend, a neighbor, or a good citizen of the land.

eight things friends usually learn from me ...

2007-06-30T09:21:00.001+05:30

That:

It is necessary to give due importance to appearance as well as appearances, as they have a tendency to seep in and become a part of you.

Be disciplined and active. Life is more fun with some discipline.

It is necessary to respect yourself, so that others will respect you.

It is possible to be suspicious and untrusting simply because you love, and trust. :D

Independence is a matter of doing what you want to, not of showing your unconventionality or unusualness.

Formal occasions are important, and should be treated as such.

Love is not just an emotion, but a formalized relationship with its own set of rituals.

Shopping is an important activity, and one should devote an entire day at a time for it.

If you still haven't, you still aren't not close enough ;)

home

2007-06-30T00:09:00.000+05:30

Mon: home of the Konyaks

Nagaland sky

a designer field

Dzukuo Valley (it might remain as a yarrow unvisited for me)

Kohima at night

Mokokchung: the biggest building out there is the Church

and this is how it looks on Christmas :)

photo courtesy: kuknalim.com

a letter

2007-06-29T13:31:00.001+05:30

My dearest,

I want to tell you what and how much you mean to me. But the problem is that you mean more to me than you can imagine, or I can tell you. If only it were as simple as looking you up in a dictionary and finding a whole list of meanings!

Our friendship has developed slowly, and the whole process of discovering you, of learning to understand you, of realizing the experiences that have made you what you are, has been truly rewarding.

Your courage awes me, your love humbles me, and your trust, when you do show it, seems like a life-fulfilling, long awaited reward. I remember the early days of our meeting. I have since understood that I did not always speak the language you could understand. I now appreciate the patience with which you listened to me, as I spoke about science, laboratory, language, and soccer and folklores and legends. I have been meaning to tell you that since the day I met you, I have not regretted it ever!

You represent, to me, all things that fascinate me, and all things that I admire. The fact that you have such a different range of experiences than me, and that you are still able to find so much common ground with me. I like your looks, and in fact every little thing that is YOU about you.

I could go on, but letters such as this are impossible to end. So it becomes necessary to enforce a full stop, with the promise of continuation in the form of another letter, soon.

So let me take this day to thank you for being who you are (cute, beautiful, adventurous, short tempered, funny, intelligent, a great shopper.) and for what you mean to me, the person to think about all the time, someone to hold on to and never let go.

I miss you, see you soon!

leisure

2007-06-29T12:40:00.001+05:30

PVR

bro's canvas

my kitchen

a chilly plant on my balcony

the other side of me.

Monologue

2007-06-29T12:36:00.001+05:30

"Go on, have a good life, write well, and publish all those books you owe the world one of these days. You write well enough to do that, and much more".

So said a friend.